Murder me... it's at your peril

I remember back then in our Traditional African Communication class (TACS), my lecturer, Mr. Lanre Akinola was so passionate about this particular topic that day,: NAMES, yes names.

What’s in a  name sef?

In Africa, well particularly with my Nigerian experience, we take our names serious and we don’t just give names, there is usually a reason for giving names, I remember him being angry then that some would have beautiful local names but because they want to “form civilization” would go for “atowoda”(self-given) English names that they in most case, don’t even know the meaning.

In this part of the world, we believe that there is power in a name, your name can make or mar you. Just remembered a story I heard sometimes ago, according to the narrator, there is this classmate of his whose name is “Araragbaya”(meaning I can take all sufferings) and indeed  he gets punished almost on a daily basis even for someone else’ offence.

Yeah, I also remember back then when I was in Primary 2(don’t ask me when.lol, but of course it’s in the 90’s) I use to have this class mate that goes by the surname OTAPO(enemies are countless) are you guessing her own fate in school already?

Well, let me tell you, hers was that our headmaster then, Mr Onofowode would just show up in the class, call her to the front and start beating her while he repeats her name, for no reason, oh sorry because her name is Otapo, he hated the name and showed it.

At a point, I think we all started looking forward to the  scene everyday in class, it became part of our timetable taught by the headmaster himself OTAPO  VS  HEADMASTER.

And you know, we were so young then, I guess she wouldn’t dare mention it at home, not like these days, am sure the parent would have gone for the headmaster’s head.

Back to my point, there is power in a name, even in nicknames, hence, we should always watch it before we choose it, don’t get me wrong, am not saying we should not adopt a nickname but adopt the ones that are positively meaningful if you must choose one, likewise your name, let people see the beauty in pronouncing it well and saying it in full. Your name or nickname should be reflective of who you are and who you wanna be.

Do you know what my lecturer called this, he calls it Name murdering,if your name is Oluwadamilola and you decide to shorten it to Dam for instance, I guess you did get damned! So at whose peril are you murdering your name.

You know sometimes I find it really annoying  why an Oluwabukola would decide to spell her name as Orhluwabukholar, just because they want to Englishnize their name, especially on social network, apart from the fact that the spelling looks annoying and irritating you changed the meaning of the name to Only God know what?

The power in a name did reflected on our number one citizen in the country as he keeps coming from nowhere to “big place” and thus became the man with no shoes  with countless shoes, you can imagine how the number of babies that begin to go by the name Goodluck skyrocketed within that period even some adult became Goodluck over night. Though I wonder if people still want to be goodluck? ,because these days I hear when people say I wish you goodluck and you get reply like goodluck ko, patience ni, abeg wish me best of luck not goodluck.(lol) I guess we know the reason for this. This goes to show that one needs to work even on a good name to sustain it, how much more when we give ourselves name that we know nothing about its root, origin or meaning.

Because good names not worked on gets bad over time, when the likes of names such as Oyennusi is mentioned, we all know what comes to mind?

 But on a serious note, there is  power in a name or even nicknames, in Africa we don’t just give names just for the sake of it, our names have roots  and can be used to trace our lineage and the way we apply  it goes a long way…

I see no reason why a Subulola would want to be called Subu, the name has been murdered at her own peril, yes, because Subulola means fall into wealth, but when she allows herself to be called Subu which simply means fall, then she can probably fall into anything.

Lets keep it positive, whether as names or nicknames, you don’t have to “funkify”(don’t ask google for the meaning of this word oooo.lol)the spelling or pronunciation of your name all in the name of civilization, because most times you lose the beautiful meaning of the Name in the process.

Now, before you axe me, am not saying  we can’t be called by our nickname or have a short form pronunciation of our names but then let’s make it positive not like the “Subu” type.

Whatever the swag you want to give to your name, don’t lost its meaning and keep it positive, because if you murder your name, it is at your own peril.

There is power in a name!

Halybee…

Well, any  of the names used is just what came up in my thought , no personal vendetta okay, and I hath to use mainly Yoruba names because am familiar with them and know their meaning.

TOO OLD TO DIE..The concluding part

You know him, don’t you? I could only nod as  I don't want to interrupt her anymore, especially now that  she has finally started the real story after all the drama, even as I observed the much effort she did put up to avoid mentioning his name.

Is it that bad, now that was me, I didn’t even know when I said that out loud, after promising myself not to interrupt her again? So much for promising hun!

She continued as if she didn’t hear me , it’s been eight years, yes yesterday made it exactly eight years  we have been together or better said, that I have been with him, it took me eight years, eight whole years she said again, laying emphasis on the eight, eight good years to do this, what a waste?

But, I wanted to say, forgetting myself promise..sssh, she said putting her hand over her lips to let me get her message. I know you guys had your doubts, I know you did encourage me to try someone else when he did disappear into thin air the first time, but I guess love blinded me to common sense, the handwriting has always been on the wall, but I have stubbornly refused to read it. I lost myself in him, you know what, she said and started her strange laughter again.

What I ask, now almost losing my patience not knowing where this whole epistle is leading to.

I think our should have been called a “unilationship” and not relationship, now before you start racking your brain for the meaning of unilationship, that is from my dictionary and it simply means one person in the relationship and not both parties. I did 90% of the calling, the sms, the gifts, the visit, the outing, the introductions, yet it never bothered me , I never did see anything wrong in it, I loved him and he did love me, well at least he use to say so and he would go like:

“baby, I love you and will always love you, I promise you I would never do anything to hurt you, you mean the world to me, but you see, a lot of things are just not right at the moment and you won’t understand”.

He must have thought of me as dumb all this while, and to think that those  times , these  lines use to sound so beautiful, he did love me as much as I loved him and that is what matters, I never bothered about any other thing , you know now, she said facing me again, I was quick to defend him if anyone one of you try to say something negative about him, at least I know you know I didn’t do the asking out in the first place, he did.

Of course I know, Busola, I answered.

Well, now it doesn’t really matter, as I was saying Lara, I lost myself completed in him, I trusted him, but he knew what he wanted to do all along. Ours was not the exchange of gift type of relationship or outing, far from it she said and went into that her strange laughter again, she noticed my stare and continued, I never did complain you know, neither did I compare  my friends relationship with mine for any reason, we didn’t go out together for any event and I dare not say am going out with my friends, no, that would automatically amount to me cheating on him, well that’s what he use to say.

He would always claim he loves me, yet his actions speak otherwise, at a point foolish me, I thought it was because of my resistence to give in to his desire, thinking that would change things, it did change nothing, instead it did leave me empty with four abortions, for him it  was just fun while it lasted, I should have known when he always avoid paying me a visit at home, he always have one excuse or reason not t show up when invited, now that I think of it, those excuses were really lame, trust me Lara, you don’t want to hear them, he never allows me to see any of his friends or family, he always manage to schedule my visit away from theirs..hmm, I must have been a big fool.

He never sees anything good in me, always quick to condemn me, even when I try to stand on my foot and explore new grounds on my talent, you know I loved the art don’t you, he did laugh over it and said “you are really impossible girl, you don’t even know what you want”. What an encouraging statement coming  from your lover you would say.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, he just suddenly disappeared for a whole year, no calls, no contact, no social connection and he came back just like that saying

“I am sorry baby, I miss you so much, I don’t know what came over me, no one can ever be like you, I still love you and will always do(as if he ever did) please forgive me and forget the past, let’s start all over”

And like magic, as if I have waited for him all this while or rather, now that I think of it, he is the devil sent after me, because when he came back, I was supposed to see Mofe in few days time, you know Mofe now, she asked, without waiting for a reply, she continued, that fine young man, why can’t I just love him?, he has a large heart, caring, you know he always have the nicest of words to use for me, he calls me beautiful, pretty, names that he doesn’t use for me, again I noticed how she avoided mentioning his name. he calls me angel, me Busola, angel? She sounded as if she is not entitled to that name, oh what that guy must have done to her thoughts, I think.

Me angel, she repeated again and started to laugh, he doesn’t do any of that ,the only time he manages to do that is when he wants it.

Lara, it’s crazy, I had known for a long time that he cheats on me, he is always saying sweet things about her, I mean the other lady, sometimes to my face and then I did say I wanted to see him when it was all getting on me, he started dodging and avoiding me, stop picking my calls, and of course you know he hardly calls before, he gives me lame excuses, oh how I cry, despite how low esteemed he makes me feel, I still love him to pieces, I know its crazy, you see why I feel eight years is too old to die, my life, my passion, my entire being has been devoted to him for eight years, he doesn’t want to be committed in anyway, am sure you are already guessing the rest of the story, our talk yesterday  was a hit on the rock, I think he doesn’t know what he wants, he probably wants to eat his cake and still have it.

This is not the kind of woman I want to be, I have been abused emotionally, I know it’s going to take months for me to get over this, but this time around, I think love is not enough, he did shed some tears  you know, now that I think of it, I call it crocodile tears, she said as she reeled into another of her laughter. Yesterday was not funny,  she continued after her laugh, I cried really hard, goodbye just like that without plan, eight years Lara, eight good years.

I know  you have so much to say but please keep it to yourself, I have been stupid and foolishly in love, I know, like my English teacher in secondary school would say “foolish- idiot”. Save me the sermon, the relationship is just too old to die like that, but I guess am also too young to become useless, I know that challenges would come from the likes of you, reminding me to go and get married as age is no longer on my side bla bla bla.

Well, I really don’t care now, all I want to do is get my self esteem back, I hope it’s not too late though? He didn't even call me since then Lara, he didn’t say anything, she said as she change from sitting to standing, her look showed that she was ready and prepared to  face whoever it is that would dare say something about this, he isn’t worth my tears  and I won’t waste it on him she said, but she had barely completed her statement when the tears started dropping profusely again.

Hmmm, my thought: Busola is right you know’ she is just too young to become useless to herself, I can’t wait to see the old Busola I know, not that I am happy that she is going through so much trouble in her relationship or unilationship as she calls it, but the Busola I know use to be a go-getter, most of us then, though age mates look up to her and want to be like her, well, I don’t think anyone still wants to be like her now. At least not the way she is at the moment.

Though, I did admire her courage to take the bold step and let go eight years of her life just like that. I would have loved to tell you more about Busola, but that is definitely a story for another day(have got an appointment to catch up with... lol)

To abuse a woman in any form ain’t cool at all, much more if it is emotional like that of Busola, only few get out of  their real self.i never recall her telling me the guy did ever hit her physically but then he did dealt her blows emotionally. How many more are still sticking it on in an emotionally abused unilationship  as my friend calls it just because they think it is too old to die, without thinking of their own inner peace and happiness?

Ladies! You need to take hold of your life, ending an abused relationship isn’t the end of the world, rather it is a stepping stone. Wouldn’t you rather remain single than be in a UNILATIONSHIP just because you have been ”together” for years?

You deserve to be happy!

NOTE: this is just me in my imagination (though real situation, if you ask me)so any similarity in name, place or situation is just a mere coincidence.

Yeah! To all those Ladies out there in similar situation like Busola, think  through, there has to be a time in one’s life when one knows that certain things are just not meant to happen this way or that way….hence you need to take a bold step.

...halybee 

TOO OLD TO DIE...Part 1

 As she turned to acknowledge my slight tap on her shoulder , after calling her several times with no response , the tears started streaming uncontrollably like an open tap or like a VVF patient who can’t control the passage of nature, well, would there be anything like “VVF of the eyes” because I think that is what is happening to her now.

The tears, just dropping with no control, it’s definitely not my slight tap on her shoulder, neither is anyone dead? Or  did anyone die?

I guess I know where she has been all this while, she had travelled on a long journey of self denial again.

Not again! Was all I could say, and as if this was a needle that pierced her, Busola started the crying proper this time around again.

Now, babe I think we need to go inside, no excuse, no stories, you are gonna spill it all out, with this i held her hand and off we go into her room, and the tears continued, she had held it for so long I guess, she couldn’t just hold back anymore, now you see why I say its VVF of the eyes? Because the tears keep dropping from her eyes like a tap that has entirely lost its control.

Well she did followed me meekly like a child that  is ready to get lambasted by her mother for what she already knows.

She had barely taken a seat in the room when she started, “ I know you are going to say am stupid, I know you are going to call me names  and I don’t care, really, I don’t care. Forgive my tears , I know it bothers you  and it’s because you care but right now I don’t need anybody to get me back to my senses, I would get it myself, but  only God know when. I hope soon though, she said and started the tears all over.

Now, she got me really surprised and confused, not that this is the first time am seeing her like this, no, she has always been in this “sort of pain”  and am almost always guessing right, but I don’t want to guess anything this time around, she would have to say it herself, but you know, she is just  too bottled up for my liking, she never did speak out.

You know what Lara, she is just too old to die she said without facing me, who? I asked coming out of my thought, so someone did die,  but if old why so much trouble?

I know you can’t wait to hear it all she continued, I know it and I am going to tell you everything, but not so that you could pass your judgement or say what I know anyone would say but because I needed to spill it out before I completely die within, now you don’t bother giving me any advice because am not gonna listen okay!

Die within? I said, intentionally ignoring her last statement, Busola, now this is serious.

You can say that again she said and began to laugh hard, her attitude caught me off-guard(I don’t want to think it has gotten to that stage, if you know what I mean) as if she was reading my  mind, she turned to face me, looked at me straight in the eyes and said: Omolara, I know what you are thinking, I am not insane you know, at least not yet, are you sure you want to hear it all, she asked without waiting for my response.

Are you sure you want to tell me?

And now her laughter was louder than ever, I can see it in your eyes Lara, you can’t wait to hear it all.

Beginning to loose my patience, while I continuously stare at my wristwatch( because I have an appointment  but I can’t leave her now, not because I foresee a juicy story but because I know she really needed to TALK about this) then say it and stop all the drama, I shouted at her, realizing I shouted , I apologized almost immediately, and said to her, Busola, please for goodness sake, tell me who is too old to die and just why would you say that? Everybody would die someday you now?

Yes, just like she just did..she died.., there you go, you have not even heard the story and you are already jumping into conclusion, typical you, soothing me with words already? You see why I don’t like talking to people, I would rather suffer alone.

Oh, am sorry, just tell me, will you? This suspense is not helping matters.

My relationship, she blurted out, and this time around, the tears did not just flow freely, it became intense. I just know I hath to keep quiet, I guess she must be building up the courage to say it. RELATIONSHIP, why didn't I think of that?

Lara, you know I always ask myself this question, is it me or him, at least I relate with other people, they tell me am a great woman, but with him, I seem to have lost my ego, my passion and even myself.

Watch out for the concluding part(s)

8 TYPES OF MEN YOU SHOULD NEVER DATE!

Prince Ademola Ibrahim wrote:
LADIES!! 8 Types Of Men You Should Never Date 

These are strange times, especially for women. It looks as though there are no good men anymore. Then, this annoying guy comes along and claims there are types of women men shouldn’t date. The nerve of him! Of course not every 

woman fits into the afore mentioned categories. How come they cannot seem to catch a break with men? To me, it seems as it women inadvertently fish in troubled waters because they are emotional, not logical. They feel, whereas men think.

You see, men are capable of thinking out situations completely before making a move. We are wired to want logic at all cost. Why else do you think there’s still war in the Middle East? A bunch of testosterone-driven men want the other man to back down and so it goes, ad infinitum. If it were only women making the decisions, they would have been moves to declare a truce.

Speaking of truce, my previous piece seemed to upset some of my female friends. That was not the intention my fair (or dark as the case maybe) ladies. Just so you know I care about you, I found the 8 types of men you should never date. It pains me to divulge our modus operandi, but consider it a peace offering.

1. The Control Freak
Many women have had their lives turned upside down by a control freak. He has an overwhelming desire to control every detail, even when it’s out of his hands—be it the weather, traffic or your life. True, women like a guy that is manly, but manly isn’t the same as domineering. Before you know it, you soon start to lose your identity and become a creation of his. That isn’t love; it’s a dysfunction and you need to believe it.

2. The Abuser
A control freak will almost always become an abuser, but not all abusers start out as control freaks. In fact, abusers are usually nice guys until their anger kicks in. How many times have we heard an abused woman say, “He’s not like that o. It’s only when he’s angry that he lashes out”? If a guy belittles you, tells you you’re worthless, or insults you, that is abuse. If he forces you to do things you’re not comfortable with, that’s abuse. It may initially look like a temper issue, but physical abuse soon follows, and no woman deserves that. Do not date an abusive man—no matter how alternately nice he is.

3. The Man-child
He doesn’t have to be younger that you are as many women assume that men younger than them are automatically immature. He could be much older but his brain is stuck in adolescence, thinking like a 13-year-old and always craving your validation. Being in a relationship with this man will always leave you drained, because it’s feels like you’re raising a child.

4. The Ghost.
You see him only when he wants to be seen. One minute he’s doting on you and everything’s peach; the next, poof! He vanishes and you can’t reach him by phone, text, BBM, mail, tweet— nothing! He’s not dead; he simply does not want to be reached. This is 2012—there’s a way to stay in touch if you want to. Forget his elaborate explanation when he does reappear, all na wash. He definitely has another life that he doesn’t want you to be part of.

5. The Unambitious.
If a guy cannot say what his goal in life is, strike his name off the list. Waiting for his grandfather’s will is not an ambition, neither is playing the visa lottery every year. The country is hard, but that doesn’t mean we cannot have workable dreams, no matter how nascent.

6. Mr Chop my money.
All he has is money. Not character, finesse, values or even an education. Just money. Unfortunately as women very well know, money isn’t everything; this guy can buy you fine things but he can’t treat you with sensitivity. Being with him will cause you to live a life of quiet desperation.

7. The Fairy-tale prince.
Everything you ever prayed for, even things thatyou know yourself are unrealistic; this guy has it all. He’s handsome caring, attentive, charming, well dressed, tasteful, generous—in short, he’s flawless. You feel he’s too good to be true and he probably is. All men have flaws, but this man doesn’t have any? It’s all an act. Once he’s had his fill of you, the charade stops and you see his true self. To him it’s a game and he enjoys the thrill of the chase, the delightful deceit and the abrupt end. Nobody said men were emotional creatures but some do and relish the chance to practise their adroitness.

8. The Guy who just doesn’t want you.
There are guys whom you like and no matter how you try, they simply don’t want YOU. They could be taken, gay or blind. Rejection hurts, but it’s part of life. Move on. While you still have your dignity, in God’s name, move on.

Lol..ladies i hope you Listen ooo, if a guy is not worth it, dont waste your time on Him, Shikena!

I AM AFRICA

I Am Africa 

This world…my world…it has two sides…just like a coin…The head and the tail. I am at the tail. I live there; at the tail…there I eat… I drink…I live. I don’t want to stay there forever. It’s too dark…down there at the tail. I look up and I see a light…at the head…the top…up, up…a bright light shining and beckoning.

I want to go to the light. I want to go to the top and be up there and live a good life and be a man Baba will be proud of. But these chains keep holding me back…keep tying me to the tail…the bottom…to the darkness…where our words don’t matter. But I must cut these chains lose…I must say my mind…I must be free.

{Image Source: themetaphorsicantcreate -daniel emeka }

You keep holding me back…you, who is stronger, you who is richer…you who rules Africa…you keep pulling me back and no matter how hard I try to get up, I keep going down, down into oblivion. I do the campaign and you have the Champagne. I do the working and you do the chopping. I build the roads but you drive the cars. I am the scavenger and you are my god. I worship you…I clap for you…your kids eat from theudala tree but when I ask for a piece, you tell me to dance first. I dance and dance but my dance steps never please you. I cannot dance any better because I have chains on my legs and hunger in my stomach. I am tired. I am so angry with the injustices of the world.

When I see you… your face…your hands…your hair…I see the man…the man who murdered my dreams. I want to murder you too. I want to strap an explosive on myself and blow myself up. I want to take a lot of people with me…in the church, in the mosque, in public places, I want to destroy everything that reeks of my sweat and reminds me of your opulence. But I will not do that. You know why? I am Africa. I am not like my brother Boko who has allowed himself to go down the alley way of self-destruction. I feel sorry for him though. He went away for too long. Disconnected from his own people. He lost the African spirit. When a man cut the string that binds him to his people, he floats; like a balloon…he floats…suspended in nothingness. It won’t be long until KABOOM! Debris. Tears. Death. Me, I am different. I am a real Nigerian with the African spirit. In Nigeria…in Africa, when we are hurt…when we are down…when we are at the tail…we don’t go about blowing ourselves or blowing up people, people who know nothing about our pain; we stand up again, dust ourselves and say, e go beta. Then we move on. That is what we do…we move on…towards the light…to the top…the African spirit. That is why we have survived so far…and that is why I am moving on. To the light…the chains must leave my hands and I must go to the light…up there…towards the light. I am moving to the head. I am tired of the tail. No matter what you do to me, I am not stopping. I won’t let you keep me down because I am not Boko. I am Africa. I will dust myself and I will move on. E go beta…

Today, I will break the chains. I will see the light. The battle field will be quiet. The war will be over. The casualties may be many but the flag of victory will be up at last. Freedom will finally come for Africa.

WRITTEN BY  KONNEKT AFRIKA

I PRAY, HOPE AND LOOK FORWARD TO THE FREEDOM!

I AM AFRICA

I Am Africa 

This world…my world…it has two sides…just like a coin…The head and the tail. I am at the tail. I live there; at the tail…there I eat… I drink…I live. I don’t want to stay there forever. It’s too dark…down there at the tail. I look up and I see a light…at the head…the top…up, up…a bright light shining and beckoning.

I want to go to the light. I want to go to the top and be up there and live a good life and be a man Baba will be proud of. But these chains keep holding me back…keep tying me to the tail…the bottom…to the darkness…where our words don’t matter. But I must cut these chains lose…I must say my mind…I must be free.

{Image Source: themetaphorsicantcreate -daniel emeka }

You keep holding me back…you, who is stronger, you who is richer…you who rules Africa…you keep pulling me back and no matter how hard I try to get up, I keep going down, down into oblivion. I do the campaign and you have the Champagne. I do the working and you do the chopping. I build the roads but you drive the cars. I am the scavenger and you are my god. I worship you…I clap for you…your kids eat from theudala tree but when I ask for a piece, you tell me to dance first. I dance and dance but my dance steps never please you. I cannot dance any better because I have chains on my legs and hunger in my stomach. I am tired. I am so angry with the injustices of the world.

When I see you… your face…your hands…your hair…I see the man…the man who murdered my dreams. I want to murder you too. I want to strap an explosive on myself and blow myself up. I want to take a lot of people with me…in the church, in the mosque, in public places, I want to destroy everything that reeks of my sweat and reminds me of your opulence. But I will not do that. You know why? I am Africa. I am not like my brother Boko who has allowed himself to go down the alley way of self-destruction. I feel sorry for him though. He went away for too long. Disconnected from his own people. He lost the African spirit. When a man cut the string that binds him to his people, he floats; like a balloon…he floats…suspended in nothingness. It won’t be long until KABOOM! Debris. Tears. Death. Me, I am different. I am a real Nigerian with the African spirit. In Nigeria…in Africa, when we are hurt…when we are down…when we are at the tail…we don’t go about blowing ourselves or blowing up people, people who know nothing about our pain; we stand up again, dust ourselves and say, e go beta. Then we move on. That is what we do…we move on…towards the light…to the top…the African spirit. That is why we have survived so far…and that is why I am moving on. To the light…the chains must leave my hands and I must go to the light…up there…towards the light. I am moving to the head. I am tired of the tail. No matter what you do to me, I am not stopping. I won’t let you keep me down because I am not Boko. I am Africa. I will dust myself and I will move on. E go beta…

Today, I will break the chains. I will see the light. The battle field will be quiet. The war will be over. The casualties may be many but the flag of victory will be up at last. Freedom will finally come for Africa.

WRITTEN BY  KONNEKT AFRIKA

I PRAY, HOPE AND LOOK FORWARD TO THE FREEDOM!