TOO OLD TO DIE..The concluding part

You know him, don’t you? I could only nod as  I don't want to interrupt her anymore, especially now that  she has finally started the real story after all the drama, even as I observed the much effort she did put up to avoid mentioning his name.

Is it that bad, now that was me, I didn’t even know when I said that out loud, after promising myself not to interrupt her again? So much for promising hun!

She continued as if she didn’t hear me , it’s been eight years, yes yesterday made it exactly eight years  we have been together or better said, that I have been with him, it took me eight years, eight whole years she said again, laying emphasis on the eight, eight good years to do this, what a waste?

But, I wanted to say, forgetting myself promise..sssh, she said putting her hand over her lips to let me get her message. I know you guys had your doubts, I know you did encourage me to try someone else when he did disappear into thin air the first time, but I guess love blinded me to common sense, the handwriting has always been on the wall, but I have stubbornly refused to read it. I lost myself in him, you know what, she said and started her strange laughter again.

What I ask, now almost losing my patience not knowing where this whole epistle is leading to.

I think our should have been called a “unilationship” and not relationship, now before you start racking your brain for the meaning of unilationship, that is from my dictionary and it simply means one person in the relationship and not both parties. I did 90% of the calling, the sms, the gifts, the visit, the outing, the introductions, yet it never bothered me , I never did see anything wrong in it, I loved him and he did love me, well at least he use to say so and he would go like:

“baby, I love you and will always love you, I promise you I would never do anything to hurt you, you mean the world to me, but you see, a lot of things are just not right at the moment and you won’t understand”.

He must have thought of me as dumb all this while, and to think that those  times , these  lines use to sound so beautiful, he did love me as much as I loved him and that is what matters, I never bothered about any other thing , you know now, she said facing me again, I was quick to defend him if anyone one of you try to say something negative about him, at least I know you know I didn’t do the asking out in the first place, he did.

Of course I know, Busola, I answered.

Well, now it doesn’t really matter, as I was saying Lara, I lost myself completed in him, I trusted him, but he knew what he wanted to do all along. Ours was not the exchange of gift type of relationship or outing, far from it she said and went into that her strange laughter again, she noticed my stare and continued, I never did complain you know, neither did I compare  my friends relationship with mine for any reason, we didn’t go out together for any event and I dare not say am going out with my friends, no, that would automatically amount to me cheating on him, well that’s what he use to say.

He would always claim he loves me, yet his actions speak otherwise, at a point foolish me, I thought it was because of my resistence to give in to his desire, thinking that would change things, it did change nothing, instead it did leave me empty with four abortions, for him it  was just fun while it lasted, I should have known when he always avoid paying me a visit at home, he always have one excuse or reason not t show up when invited, now that I think of it, those excuses were really lame, trust me Lara, you don’t want to hear them, he never allows me to see any of his friends or family, he always manage to schedule my visit away from theirs..hmm, I must have been a big fool.

He never sees anything good in me, always quick to condemn me, even when I try to stand on my foot and explore new grounds on my talent, you know I loved the art don’t you, he did laugh over it and said “you are really impossible girl, you don’t even know what you want”. What an encouraging statement coming  from your lover you would say.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, he just suddenly disappeared for a whole year, no calls, no contact, no social connection and he came back just like that saying

“I am sorry baby, I miss you so much, I don’t know what came over me, no one can ever be like you, I still love you and will always do(as if he ever did) please forgive me and forget the past, let’s start all over”

And like magic, as if I have waited for him all this while or rather, now that I think of it, he is the devil sent after me, because when he came back, I was supposed to see Mofe in few days time, you know Mofe now, she asked, without waiting for a reply, she continued, that fine young man, why can’t I just love him?, he has a large heart, caring, you know he always have the nicest of words to use for me, he calls me beautiful, pretty, names that he doesn’t use for me, again I noticed how she avoided mentioning his name. he calls me angel, me Busola, angel? She sounded as if she is not entitled to that name, oh what that guy must have done to her thoughts, I think.

Me angel, she repeated again and started to laugh, he doesn’t do any of that ,the only time he manages to do that is when he wants it.

Lara, it’s crazy, I had known for a long time that he cheats on me, he is always saying sweet things about her, I mean the other lady, sometimes to my face and then I did say I wanted to see him when it was all getting on me, he started dodging and avoiding me, stop picking my calls, and of course you know he hardly calls before, he gives me lame excuses, oh how I cry, despite how low esteemed he makes me feel, I still love him to pieces, I know its crazy, you see why I feel eight years is too old to die, my life, my passion, my entire being has been devoted to him for eight years, he doesn’t want to be committed in anyway, am sure you are already guessing the rest of the story, our talk yesterday  was a hit on the rock, I think he doesn’t know what he wants, he probably wants to eat his cake and still have it.

This is not the kind of woman I want to be, I have been abused emotionally, I know it’s going to take months for me to get over this, but this time around, I think love is not enough, he did shed some tears  you know, now that I think of it, I call it crocodile tears, she said as she reeled into another of her laughter. Yesterday was not funny,  she continued after her laugh, I cried really hard, goodbye just like that without plan, eight years Lara, eight good years.

I know  you have so much to say but please keep it to yourself, I have been stupid and foolishly in love, I know, like my English teacher in secondary school would say “foolish- idiot”. Save me the sermon, the relationship is just too old to die like that, but I guess am also too young to become useless, I know that challenges would come from the likes of you, reminding me to go and get married as age is no longer on my side bla bla bla.

Well, I really don’t care now, all I want to do is get my self esteem back, I hope it’s not too late though? He didn't even call me since then Lara, he didn’t say anything, she said as she change from sitting to standing, her look showed that she was ready and prepared to  face whoever it is that would dare say something about this, he isn’t worth my tears  and I won’t waste it on him she said, but she had barely completed her statement when the tears started dropping profusely again.

Hmmm, my thought: Busola is right you know’ she is just too young to become useless to herself, I can’t wait to see the old Busola I know, not that I am happy that she is going through so much trouble in her relationship or unilationship as she calls it, but the Busola I know use to be a go-getter, most of us then, though age mates look up to her and want to be like her, well, I don’t think anyone still wants to be like her now. At least not the way she is at the moment.

Though, I did admire her courage to take the bold step and let go eight years of her life just like that. I would have loved to tell you more about Busola, but that is definitely a story for another day(have got an appointment to catch up with... lol)

To abuse a woman in any form ain’t cool at all, much more if it is emotional like that of Busola, only few get out of  their real self.i never recall her telling me the guy did ever hit her physically but then he did dealt her blows emotionally. How many more are still sticking it on in an emotionally abused unilationship  as my friend calls it just because they think it is too old to die, without thinking of their own inner peace and happiness?

Ladies! You need to take hold of your life, ending an abused relationship isn’t the end of the world, rather it is a stepping stone. Wouldn’t you rather remain single than be in a UNILATIONSHIP just because you have been ”together” for years?

You deserve to be happy!

NOTE: this is just me in my imagination (though real situation, if you ask me)so any similarity in name, place or situation is just a mere coincidence.

Yeah! To all those Ladies out there in similar situation like Busola, think  through, there has to be a time in one’s life when one knows that certain things are just not meant to happen this way or that way….hence you need to take a bold step.

...halybee